Saturday, 10 April 2010

Brett Ryan R.I.P.


My beloved brother Brett Andrew Ryan tragically took his own life in Perth Western Australia and was cremated at Karrakatta Cemetery WA and his ashes are now in the care of his mother in his home state of Victoria.

You feel a range of emotions when a tragedy like this strikes you and the ones you love and you all feel the searing pain of sudden separation. There is anger and the futile search to understand why Brett could not weather the despair. There are the questions of why, just why? We all feel bruised by this death and keep asking ourselves what we could have done to prevent it. “What could I have done? Why didn’t I see it?” No one knows. And nothing will bring him back. No one is responsible for Brett’s choice but Brett. Death by choice is not a denial of life, it is the cry of despair for more life. We know that Brett leaves much unfinished, unfulfilled, unsaid. There are still things I wanted to share with him, and I'm sure, he with us. The suffering does not end for those that cared for him, feelings of shock, betrayal, anger, sadness, that I'm sure in time will abate to compassion and forgiveness.

Please if you care donate to Beyondblue http://www.givenow.com.au/beyondblue

Beyondblue's mission is to provide a national focus and community leadership to increase the capacity of the broader Australian community to prevent depression and respond effectively. They aim to build a society that understands and responds to the personal and social impact of depression, works actively to prevent it, and improves the quality of life for everyone affected.

29 comments:

  1. Well written, hope this message reaches many people and those who need to understand it.
    Love and best wishes to my uncle Brett who is now resting in peace!.. thinking of you always! xxxxxx

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  2. I'm very sorry for your loss, Brett actually emailed me once to say hello. We share the same name.

    kindest regards,
    www.brettryanmusic.com

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  3. Thanks Brett (www.brettryanmusic.com) my family and I appreciate your comment. Thank you.
    Wayne Ryan

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  4. Dear Wayne, my name is Virginia Casey (Givinia to Brett and Vag much to my horror!) I considered your brother Brett my oldest and dearest friend. I met him in Perth (1987) when I was 14 and he was 17. I was quite obsessed with "The Cure" loving mod and was broken hearted when he moved back to Victoria. I had a dream of him one night when he came to my window and asked if he could come in (in my dream he said his mother had died, I found our later that his father had died) when Brett heard through friends of my dream he wrote to me. We became weekly pen pals and his letters were typical Brett, some long and poetic some 2 words, all letters were lovingly held by me(and still are). I convinced my mother to let me visit him by my self as a 15 year old which I did in 1988. I went over there (Victoria) thinking Brett and I were soul mates and found that Brett had met his soul mate Margo and I was simply another kind of soul mate that didnt make sense to a 15 year old girl. Even at that age I was honoured and humbled to see a great love that the two of them had found and I felt blessed to be both of their friends ( they visited me on birthday on their honey moon in Perth). Typical of friendship Brett and I didnt talk for years,then when I bought a property in Scarborough I called him I was 25. I asked Brett to come and live with me back in Perth, and he pretty much packed some bags and came over. As much as we deeply loved each other we could not get over our "brother and sister" chemistry, so he just crashed on the sofa and then I got him to move in with my other good friend Nicola(Nick remembers Brett fondly for taking her dog in his back pack on the train and sleeping on her bedroom floor curled up after a hard night!) Brett met and fell in love with a co worker called Lucy, when they broke up I told Brett "I hope you dont mind but Im keeping Lucy!" From that day Lucy been my best friend. Brett was living with his Victorian Friend Jarrod in Perth when Brett encouraged Jarrod and I to become a couple. Brett, Jarrod and I had some funny times which I will always remember including our love of Jeff Buckleys music and The Simpsons!
    The last time I saw Brett he came into my office to give my partner and I some wine as I was pregnant and we had become engaged.
    I hate to say this but I put Brett in the "later" bucket. With young children, moving house, renovating and life stuff this is sometimes the casualty of friendship. Lucy and I were though always talking about and laughing about Brett and trying to work out ways to contact him to organise a much looked forward tocatch up. We felt that maybe we were boring family mums to Brett, but we AWAYS looked forward to that drinks night when we could have the best laughs with our dear wonderful crazy friend Brett. For some reason today I just googled his name and found this blog, I have called Lucy who is coming over tonight to share some wine(theres truth in wine as Brett would say) and to remember our modern day poet Brett who was from another truely interesting World that we only got to share glimpes of through his lovely chocolate coloured eyes. I am deeply saddened by his loss and I send you Wayne, Bretts mum and other family all my love. Please let Lee know of Lucy and my feelings. If possible if someone could contact me at globalginny@hotmail.com so we can organise a chat I would appreciate it.

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  5. I really appreciate the post Virginia. I have forwarded you comments to my family. Your comments have made me sad but also made me smile.
    Thanks.

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  6. I was lucky enough to share a house with Brett for a year about 8 years ago ( we met through a mutual friend Virginia). Brett was the warmest kindest funniest housemate/friend. I would often awake to Brett lying beside me wanting to tell me all about his night. He was known to take my dog smuggled safely in his backpack on train adventures to visit friends. Brett would go to the bottle-shop with my then boyfriend to get some beer and return hours later but with his cheeky smile you couldn't be angry with him. He would cook the most delicious meals and make me laugh with his awesome storytelling. When we bumped into each other about a year ago and he seemed to be in good spirits, I am very sad to hear of his passing may he rest in peace.
    Nicola

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  7. Hi Wayne, my name is Lucy and i was Bretts girlfriend in 2000. He wrote a lot of really beautiful poetry for me during our time together that i will always treasure and think is worthy of being published!!! here is one

    TO LUCY

    My melting heart
    Forever fond
    My first wish
    From magic wand

    You smile at me
    I cannot breathe
    My stomach sings
    On weakened knees

    Softer and sweeter
    Than childish dreams
    I whisper your name
    Bursting heart beams

    Your eyes light up
    Like fireworks bright
    To guide my way
    Through dark of night

    Drunk with desire
    Smell of your skin
    The kiss of your lips
    Delicious as sin

    To laugh with you
    Is to laugh at life
    Where dreams are bliss
    Shall be my wife


    Brett was an exceptional human being who will always hold a special place in my heart and above all always made me laugh when i needed to. Virginia and i are together this evening celebrating Bretts life. I am saddened by the fact that he never met mine or virginias children and that we will never get to have that big smile and hug that he was so good at giving. R.I.P. my darling you were so worthy of this world i love you XX

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  8. Thanks Lucy I really appreciate the poem and your comments. I have forwarded you comments to my family, I know they will all appreciate it too.

    Thanks

    Wayne

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  9. Thank you to all the people who have shared their story with us
    It is very much appreciated your story's of how Brett has touched your lives have brought a tear to my eyes but also made me smile
    Thank you
    Gayle ( Bretts sister )

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  10. Bretts favourite song, apart from anything by the Cure, at the time of his passing was sung by Willie Nelson.

    To All The Girls I've Loved Before lyrics

    To all the girls I've loved before
    Who travelled in and out my door
    I'm glad they came along
    I dedicate this song
    To all the girls I've loved before
    To all the girls I once caressed
    And may I say I've held the best
    For helping me to grow
    I owe a lot I know
    To all the girls I've loved before
    The winds of change are always blowing
    And every time I try to stay
    The winds of change continue blowing
    And they just carry me away
    To all the girls who shared my life
    Who now are someone else's wives
    I'm glad they came along
    I dedicate this song
    To all the girls I've loved before
    To all the girls who cared for me
    { From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/willie-nelson-lyrics/to-all-the-girls-i_ve-loved-before-lyrics.html }
    Who filled my nights with ecstasy
    They live within my heart
    I'll always be a part
    Of all the girls I've loved before
    The winds of change are always blowing
    And every time I try to stay
    The winds of change continue blowing
    And they just carry me away
    To all the girls we've loved before
    Who travelled in and out our doors
    We're glad they came along
    We dedicate this song
    To all the girls we've loved before
    To all the girls we've loved before
    Who travelled in and out our doors
    We're glad they came along
    We dedicate this song
    To all the girls we've loved before

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  11. and this one that is just so Brett.
    All Of Me lyrics

    All of me
    Why not take all of me
    Can't you see
    That I'm no good without you
    Take my arms
    I want to loose them
    Take my lips
    I'll never use them

    Your goodbye
    Left me with eyes that cry
    And I know that I
    Am no good without you
    You took the part
    That once was my heart
    So why not take all of me

    (Repeat both verses)

    Why not take all of me

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  12. And this -

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Bluebirds singin' a song
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
    Never saw things goin' so right
    Noticing the days hurrying by
    When you're in love, my how they fly

    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

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  13. And this -

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Bluebirds singin' a song
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
    Never saw things goin' so right
    Noticing the days hurrying by
    When you're in love, my how they fly

    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

    Blue skies smilin' at me
    Nothin' but blue skies do I see
    Blue days, all of them gone
    Nothin' but blue skies from now on

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  14. PS: Brett liked Frank Sinatra better but Willie was a good substitute

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  15. Dear all of Bretts family,

    A week on and Lucy and I are still very sad, I have expressed to Lucy daily how Bretts passing has affected me. I really needed a service to share tears and stories about my wonderful friend, Im going to use this Blog (thanks Wayne) to express my thoughts.

    Sometimes during my daily life I will just think Bretts gone... This will just reel in my head and scream to me NO NO NOT TRUE!!! Then I realise that it is true, and I cant ever see him again and then I cry, My children have not seen me cry before, my 4 yr old daughter Odessa had the best advice for me when I was all curled up crying she said " mum some friends die and some friends dont!" Then she said its ok mummy Ill get my princess phone and you can call Brett , she also drew the most crazy, unco picture with lines everywhere she said " This picture is for your friend Brett mummy" Brett would have loved that picture.

    Some days I think 'Im ok now' and then something small happens and then I get really emotional. I feel guilty that I didnt go out of my way to track Brett down, I wonder if I had him over, and cooked him my two minute noodles if he would have been happy.

    I would like to add some other memories I have of Brett, for 5 years from when I was 25 to 30 I saw Brett on a daily or weekly basis.

    When Brett came to live with me in 98 we went to the beach on Christmas morning and watched surfies together with santas hats catching the waves.

    I slapped Brett on the face when I was 15 for a very good reason, and then every time I saw him he would always ask me to slap his face (he loved it!) Such a sicko, now seriousily who can I slap eveytime I see them now!

    In 1987 when walking me home Brett wrote in the pavement "Kiss me Kiss me Kiss me" I thought it meant that, only to be told Cure song.

    Brett was so funny how he would never go to work on Melbourne cup day in Perth (not a public holiday here) I said "how do you get the day of Brett?" he said "I just tell them Im from Victoria, and it is my right not to go to work on Melbourne Cup day" Classic Brett...

    Brett upon hearing me sad on the phone after breaking up with my ex said 'we are coming over to pick you up now, and did and then gave me a beautiful day.

    When Hillarys harbour opened I swam in it with Brett (trust me big deal must of really loved the guy!)

    I just felt like 'going home' when I was with Brett, he never judged and would always say something funny or very deep. Im hoping this saddness will eventually fade, but I know I will never be whole again. I want to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him, I want to slap that face again and hear him say 'HARDER HARDER", I need him to know that so many people loved him. Lucy and I are going to go to the beach and have a little ceremony for Brett, on the way home we will put a bet on at the races for him. When I think of other memories and funny stories I will share. Brett did tell me once at being at one of your reunions that he felt like a star, he said he was standing there and then all these camera flashes were on him, I remember the exact pose he had when he was telling me this.

    Thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts of Brett.

    Love Virginia (Givinia)

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  16. Princess Lucy (Bretts name for me)13 January 2011 at 03:49

    Dear God in heaven,

    Brett never judged anyone... did he judge himself?
    Brett loved everyone... did he love himself?
    Brett made everyone laugh...did he laugh alone?
    Brett was my rock for a significant while...
    But sadly i will never be his...

    I had a mobile number in my phone for Brett, it was the number he had while working at the winery down south (i think he was quite happy then?? he loved spending time living at the winery and i called him there occasionally) Today i deleted the number and when my phone asked me did i want to delete "Brett" i painfully hit "Yes". But the truth is .. the memories i have with this extraordinary man will never be deleted, they will live on for the rest of my life. My life is now a little more empty than it was last thursday but i am so glad i met Brett Andrew Ryan the most romantic poet i ever met.....XXXX

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  17. "Virginia why did you not stop me when i wrote dear god in heaven"

    "Lucy, I did stop you from saying "your memories will be passed on to your kids, and taken to your grave, and relived in your next life"


    We have just laughed so much from this, Brett would understand our humour!!

    Better go now (not drunk by the way)

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  18. Life is random, but it is in this randomness that gave me the opportunity to meet Dirk “Brett” through a special mate that also comes from Victoria. Jarrod, Dirk and I spent many years having bangers ‘n’ mash coupled with a few pints down at the ole Brizzie, cooking up a feast whilst we lined up our bets for the Melbourne Cup or sharing a few cans as we slogged it out on the play station. Dirk was a very rare individual, he had a special glow about him that would instantly put others around him at ease. He was selfless, the type of guy that would give you the shirt off his back…literally (I believe that I still have the light blue Stussy shirt he gave me years ago). We will all miss the smile that was a mile wide and that big hug that was always complimented with “I love you man”. For family and friends the understanding of “why” will put a haze on things for many years to come, but for me because of who Brett was I would like to believe that God needed him for a greater purpose.

    Peace be with you fella,

    Luv & Friendship

    Spence.

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  19. Hi eveeryone

    Yesterday Lucy was in the fruit and veg shop at her local(Brett as you know worked for many years at a fruit and veg shop) when she heard a young man whistling a tune, Lucy asked him is that a Cure song you are whistling he said yes "The love cats" he said that he was in a band and they play a lot of cure songs and they play at the Universal Bar (last place Lucy saw Brett). I met my new neighboiur yesterday his name is Ryan.
    Love Virginia

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  20. Lucy and I are thinking of you all this week, we are sorry for your loss of a wonderful man. Love Virginia and Lucy x

    P.S We are sorry if our above blogs are a bit kooky, out intention was never to disrespect Bretts blog board, I told Lucy that Bretts family would understand that his 'girlfriends' would not necessarily be normal but a bit silly.x

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  21. we stopped at a hotel in cambodia and ur song came on..Love u and miss u all the time beloved brother ...sue n leigh

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  22. Hi Wayne,

    My name is Jarrod.

    I was Brett's friend that others have mentioned.
    I have found it difficult to respond to this blog. I find myself at a loss every time that I see his picture.

    I lived with and knew Brett for about 10 yrs, during that time I found the person that would have the most profound impact on my life. I wont go into the history of our friendship online, (as it is impossible to type expressions as deep as I have for your brother)just to say he was my dream brother(Jeff Buckley). We found a strange bond, a love and enjoyment from one and other that is hard to come by. I still cry almost everyday, but I have sort of come to terms with the what could have I done syndrome. If you would ever like to talk Leigh has my phone number. I would like to talk if you wish.

    I still see him, I still feel him, I still think of him, and always dream of him.
    My beloved friend Brett.

    My sincere regards,

    Jarrod

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  23. Thanks Jarrod

    I don't know what to say except we all feel a similar way.
    We really do understand your loss as it is ours also.
    Take care mate and take strength from that cheeky grin and know he would want you to have a happy life. Make it so.

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  24. That was a beautiful post Jarrod

    V

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  25. brett i really hope that i made u feel as special and wonderful as you made me feel in our time together, i just woke up thinking of you....

    L

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  26. happy 41st birthday for tomorrow my beautiful soul mate, Virg and i are going to meet for a wine in ur honour to celebrate a life that was, is and always will be alive and smiling in my heart... i know u will be there in spirit xx GO THE MIGHTY PIES!!!!!

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  27. Thinking of you tonight love Virginia xxxxxxxx

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  28. One year today that I heard the news has not softened the blow....

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